First we had each other, then we had yall and now we have everything

After lots going on the past couple of months I am brought back to a single moment tonight. The moment our daughter was born and I knew our precious little family was going to be so much more complete with Miss Kennedy DiAnn. She was adored from her first breath just like her big brother but it was something so different. I fought so hard during both my pregnancies with doubt and my ability to mother not one but two gifts from God. However, were here they are still alive so the world keeps turning. Most recently I have fought especially hard with one central thought, "How can a parent ever not be a parent?" What would it take to keep you from your children? In my case it would have to be death before I stopped fighting for my babies. I have buried one parent already and I knew into the depth of my heart with her last breath in my arms that I was deeply loved. It is that love that has carried over into my parenting. We teach our babies how to talk, to feel, to love and to soar but do we ever teach them how to hurt. I wish more than anything there was an instruction booklet on hurt. Each hurt is grossly different because it builds on top of another or even worse triggers one that you maybe did not deal with entirely and BAAAM here you are fully grown, ugly crying about something that hurt you when you were 6. Do we shield our babies from pain or are we so optimistic that we believe they will never need crisis management and go right back to singing the abc's at the loudest volume possible. I wish we could shield those we love from hurt but that would rob them of the Lord's journey and that NEVER works out. WE repeat over and over "the sky is limit" but we never say "but when that fails and you fall back to earth you will get up and do it again just a little broken." I wish that would have been a lesson. Like, "yeah this is prob going to hurt really bad but you should do it anyways." Oh well then let me do it 23 times... I really feel like the words "Man, I just don't know what to say" are not a good sign. Like at that point outlook not so good. I do believe God challenges and tests in many ways. Knowing the outcome He is prob like "yeah go ahead do it your way, it will one less time before you hand it over to me and we can do it together." In a moment of pure reflection that is my greatest challenge as a Christian is my surrender to the Lord. I have always had to run around like the sky was falling so I am used to running with the reigns. After hitting my head against the wall for a bit I finally wake up and turn it over to the Lord with a massive headache. I feel horribly selfish writing this or having this hurt because I know there are so many out there in worse off situations. I write this in hopes that just one single person will read it and feel like they are not alone. At the end of the day that's all we want is to have someone say "I know where you are coming from." It gives us reassurance that this to shall pass. I feel like everything that gives me strength has been drug out and called into question here recently. I feel like no matter how much I have overcome or the person I have fought to become it will never matter because he didn't love me and should have. In the midst of that thought this man who didn't have to love me at all comes in and saves the day as always. Thank God for Daddies that legally adopt you at 18 and raise you as their own. I feel incredibly blessed to have the people in my life that have loved me through the car wreck that was my life... (yall prob laughed at that one). I really feel like "yeah so what our relationship was not what it was supposed to be but I won, because I am more than I ever imagined was possible in life.) So, as someone who messes up often and makes a lot of really emotional decisions while singing John Mayer in the car with the windows down. I beg anyone who reads this to love everyone in your life like you have never been hurt before and let them know every breath because they may not know how to love or know His love. God bless.

Things keep looking up

So as our precious Kennedy turned 4 months yesterday I am struck with such a sense of pride. She is such a beautiful gift that only brings out the best in all of us. Shaw is so in love with her and doing so well in his role as "helper". We are beyond blessed to have had Daddy home for a whole month give or take a few days, I can honestly say I see the love that man has every time he looks at his babies. I simply cannot find the words to express my love and gratitude for all he does for us. He is such an amazing leader and continually pushes me to better myself and lean more and more on Him. In the wake of Deborah Ann Day, it was perfection!! We spent it doing all her favorite things. Thanks to Liz for the mexican food, laughs, pedicures, and soul sharing! For those of you confused, April 17th was the day my Mom passed, 4 years ago. On the actual day she passed my Daddy and I sat next to her telling stories about her and all the amazing things she had given us, celebrating her life. So every April 17th we celebrate Deborah Ann Day and spend the day glorifying her!! I am please to mention that somehow in spoiling KD Bug I found a talent for all things "Fabulous"! So in a few short days I will unveil my FB page for TooToo Fabulous. I am going to be making custom hair accessories, tutus, and personalized glam wear for babies to adults!! I can honestly say I didn't go into it anticipating this but I am really excited. We continue to pursue Him endlessly and cannot even comprehend the blessings that have revealed themselves to us. I ask for your continued thoughts and prayers for my adoptive brother Josh who had back surgery last week! KD and I went to visit Wednesday and he looked amazing, his spirits were up, and he was mobile. However, his journey and healing are far from over, so please lift him up in prayer whenever you can! I also want to give a huge shout out to Krissy, who continues to surprise us with her unending support, praying, laughing, and sharing her family with ours!! Mom you would be so proud of me, you wouldn't even recognize me but as you could wave your hands over anything and create magic so shall I try, you are loved, missed, and I will always strive to have deserved your love and support!!

A new house and almost a new angel

I think it is time for a new blog post. I am averaging one a year, not stellar.

We moved into our new house and it is simply amazing to have a home where Shaw and Stoney can run free. They are both in heaven. We are almost all unpacked and settling in nicely. Sean came home for 36 hours to help us move and is back on the road but has a home to come back to! We are quickly approaching Miss KD Bug's arrival. Her scheduled c section is set for December 21st at Baylor All Saints in Fort Worth, I keep saying I certainly know what everyone is getting for Christmas. Papa Chuck and Grandma C will be coming in December 2oth for her arrival and Christmas!

As we settle in I am so excited to find a home group in Justin, hopefully one with lots of babies for Shaw to play with. We are so humbled at God's grace and blessings. We can hardly believe the amazing circumstances we find ourselves in and are so thankful for the hard work it took to accomplish. I am excited to start decorating for Christmas, it was always my mom's favorite. This year we get to start some fun new traditions in the house and really build on the reason of the season for Shaw and Kennedy. She clearly will not remember but we will take lots of photos to show her when she gets older. Her nursery is almost complete, it is just missing furniture, lol! Her crib is being stained and her dresser is being painted, she should have a completed nursery by the end of next week.

I am braving Black Friday this year! After two different Thanksgivings Aunt Liz is going to Toys R Us with me and then Aunt Rachel and I are hitting up Target. So fingers crossed I will have everything done and wrapped under the tree by the time the bear gets up next Friday! I have made a personal deal with KD bug that just let me get the tree up and things under it and then if you must make an early appearance we are good to go!!

We cannot even begin to understand the amazing blessings we have coming up and cannot wait to share another gorgeous life with all those we love. Hoping everyone has an amazing and wonderful holiday season!!

Lots of love- The Stutzmans

Snow Day!

This morning at 6:45 when I left to leave for work I saw the snow and we ran to get the bear. WE wrapped in up in my coat and ran him outside. He said, "It is cold outside, why am i outside?" Only our bear! He stomped back inside and sat back down in his fuzzy little feety pajamas. He resumed eating his blueberry waffles and watching his baby tv. He is such a little blessing. I cannot believe God's grace has allowed us to raise the glorious little light. At thanksgiving, when everyone was going around the table to say what they are thankful for, without missing a beat, he yelled, "I am thankful for God, I love Him!!" Everyone cheered and laughed. Only from the mouth of wee ones. Shaw Caden, Mommy is thankful for you.

On another note, my thoughts are with The Chandler family. Matt, is such a wonderful light and is one of the reasons we joined The Village. I know the journey ahead is anything but easy all too well. As most of you know, my mom passed from brain cancer and thinking of Matt in that position breaks my heart. On the flip side as I know Matt would be all too eager to point out is that it is all in Our Lord's purpose for him. So, I turn to the Lord and press into Him, asking for guidance for my thoughts. I asked Him to hold The Chandlers in His hands. I ask Him to continue to have an amazing, huge family at The Village ready at a moment's notice to help in any way they can. Thank you Lord for your blessings.

Thank you so much for doing such amazing work in our life. We have sat back and realized so much of Your amazing purpose in things we often ignored. I know that my best friend was given to me to walk through this life with, holding me. I am so thankful for all the trials, challenges, and blessings (even if we saw them as something different at first) that you have given us. Your grace is something I will continue to be in complete awe of. Say hi to my Mommy, this was her favorite time of the year. And my last prayer, is for pink....